Now, more than ever before, there is widespread confusion and massive disagreement about sex… even among intelligent and sincere Christians who regard the Bible as a reliable and authoritative guide for living. According to Christian author Philip Yancey, “I know of no greater failure among Christians than in presenting a persuasive approach to sexuality.” (Yancey, Philip. Holy Sex. Christianity Today, Oct. 2003) One prominent evangelist commented, “Sex belongs within marriage between one husband and one wife. Everything else is a sin!” Many Christians hold this position, but many do not. For example, does the Bible approve of polygamy? This question has always divided Christianity. According to Martin Luther, Saint Augustine, and Thomas Aquinas, there is nothing in the Bible, Old Testament or New, that prohibits polygamy. They did concede, however, that Christians should not have multiple wives if the culture has laws prohibiting it. John Calvin, on the other hand, was very much against polygamy, though he regrettably conceded that some in the early New Testament church, mainly Jewish Christians, were polygamists.
To illustrate the diversity of opinion on this matter, according to a survey created by sermonaudio.com, out of 973 total votes, only 37% said polygamy has always been sinful. Twenty percent said polygamy was permitted in the Old Testament but is now sinful under the new covenant. Ten percent said polygamy is not sinful, but is unwise as it is not God’s ideal of one man and one woman for life. Over one out of five, 21%, said polygamy has always been allowed by God, just like celibacy and monogamy. Seven percent even said polygamy is the Bible’s preferred form of marriage. And the rest, 5%, had no opinion.
So according to this survey, only 37 percent agreed that all sex outside of a monogamous heterosexual marriage is a sin. If we begin with the premise that the Bible does allow for polygamy, then we open up a colossal can of theological worms. If the Bible allows for polygamy, why wouldn’t it also allow for polyandry, the practice of one woman having several husbands? Although Romans 7:1-3 prohibits polyandry, it’s debatable whether or not the prohibition is a universal absolute. In other words, is this a prohibition for all women living at all times in all sets of circumstances? To open the can of worms even further, if the Bible allows for both polygamy and polyandry, then what about polyamory? Polyamory is another word for group marriage, which can consist of any combination of men and women. The question further arises about whether the Bible would condone swinging. Although the Bible says nothing specifically about either polyamory or swinging, research strongly indicates that most swingers have a happier marriage than most non-swingers.
And then, of course, the heated debate among liberals and conservatives over homosexuality continues, with no end in sight.
But even if one agrees with the statement that sex belongs strictly within marriage between one husband and one wife, we’re still not out of the woods. Two pertinent questions still remain: 1) What is sex? 2) What is marriage? Bill Clinton claims he did not have sex with Monica Lewinsky. According to his definition of “having sex,” sex constituted sexual intercourse and nothing else. Of course, it’s doubtful that those living in biblical imes would have used the phrase “having sex.” The Bible uses phrases like “he knew her” or “he uncovered her nakedness” or “he layed with her.” Although Clinton was accused of verbal gymnastic during Monicagate, perhaps he was right in his terminology. There are a myriad of sexual activities that fall short of intercourse. Though many Christians would say the Bible condemns these activities if they are not between two lawfully wedded spouses, the Bible does not answer this question, at least not specifically. According to Christian author and teacher R.C. Sproul:
We know, of course, that the Bible does not give us a clear list and directions, a manual of sexual behavior that gives us direct, explicit instructions on what we can and cannot do. There is not a section in the Bible that you can open and it’s going to say in there, “Do not place hand upon breast.” We will not find a list that says, “No petting above the waist.” “No petting below the waist.” “No petting over the clothes.” “No petting under the clothes,” and all that kind of thing. (Sproul, R.C. Sex and the Single Christian, “How far is too far?” Sound recording, Ligonier Tape Series, Orlando, Florida: Ligonier Ministries, 1996).
Christianity is also divided on other matters. Is there sex in Heaven? Some, like Billy Graham, say “yes” or “maybe.” Most say “definitely not.” Most envision Heaven as an eternal monastery/convent inhabited by celestial monks and nuns. Is masturbation a sin? Some say yes, some say no. And what did Jesus mean by, “whoever looks at a woman with lust in his heart has committed adultery with her already?” Exactly what is lust and why is it wrong? Where should Christians draw the line?
And let’s not forget the famous 70′s song by Tina Turner: “What’s Love Got to Do With It?” What relationship is there, or should there be, between love and sex? Many would say that if you really love someone, you should mary them and not allow yourself to have any sexual feelings or thoughts for anyone else. Many wedding vows instruct us to “forsake all others.” Sure, most Christians would admit that, “Yes, men should love women other than their wives, and vice versa. However, they should not have a “sexual” or “romantic” kind of love. They point out that there are different kinds of love mentioned in the Bible. The Greek word for sexual love is “eros.” The problem is, the word eros is nowhere to be found in the Septuagint, the Greek version of the Bible. Even the Song of Songs, the most erotic book in the Bible, does not use the word eros. Furthermore, most scholars agree that the two lovers in the Song of Songs are not married. However, since the Bible could not possibly condone sex outside of marriage under any circumstances, many rationalize that this book is about an engaged couple in a dreamlike state looking forward to their wedding night. Throughout much of Judeo-Christian history, the Song of Songs was desexualized and regarded solely as a metaphor for God’s love for His chosen people or Christ’s love for the church.
Although all students of the Bible rightly conclude that the Bible prohibits sexual sin, there is much confusion and difference of opinion as to precisely what sexual sin is and why it is wrong. Many define adultery as being synonymous with extramarital sex and fornication as being synonymous with premarital sex. Others define these words as umbrella terms that cover all sinful sexual behavior. So if one considers masturbation as sin, they might label it as an act of fornication. Lust is often defined as thinking about having extramarital or premarital sex.
Many scriptures denounce adultery and fornication. First Corinthians 6:9 warns us that unrepentant sexual sinners will not inherit the kingdom of God. So we don’t want to be cavalier. We need to take the biblical warning against sexual sin seriously. On the other hand, we don’t want to go above and beyond what the Bible says by being legalistic and adding our own rules to the rules already given to us in the Bible. The Pharisees were guilty of this and Jesus was not well pleased.
Certainly the Bible is totally against deviant sexual activities such rape and child molestation. One does not need to be a seminary graduate or an expert in ethics to reach that conclusion. One doesn’t need to be a rocket scientist to deduce that it is not loving your neighbor as yourself to give someone a sexually transmitted disease or an unwanted pregnancy. And certainly, Christians should decieve their spouses while engaging in secretive affairs. On the other hand, the Bible gives its stamp of approval to sex within a monogamous, heterosexual marriage. In fact, according to 1 Corinthians 7:5, married couples have an obligation to sexually satisfy their mates. The question is, does the Bible allow for sexual any activities outside of the institution of marriage? In fact, how should we even define “marriage”? Are couples living together without a legal piece of paper and the pronouncement of the clergy or justice of the peace living in sin?
Perhaps we need to go back to the beginning and ask, “In the beginning, did God make us monogamous?” If so, then why do most people, at least most men, desire sexual variety? Is it only because of our fallen condition? Or is that the way God made us from day one? Perhaps the institution of marriage was imposed upon mankind as a result of the fall of Adam and Eve. Although the Bible identifies the institution of marriage as a good institution, it is also referred to by Paul as an institution of this world that will soon pass away (1 Corinthians 7:29-31). If marriage is such a great instituion, then why get rid of it? Many have suggested that the forbidden fruit had something to do with a sexual transgression. If that is true, then what does that mean for us today? These are just a few of the perplexing questions we’ll be grappling with.
These ideas will no doubt be considered controversial by many. That is not my intention. The late Walter Martin once said, “Controversy for the sake of controversy is a sin. But controversy for the sake of truth is a divine mandate.” John Calvin once said that even the best of theologians are wrong 20 percent of the time. Take Augustine as a prime example. Augustine took the position that married couples should only have sex when and if the intention is to make a baby. And even then, they should try not to enjoy it. Most Christians today would thoroughly disagree with this. However, most Christians today would also consider Augustine to be one of the greatest Christian scholars, if not “the” greatest Christian scholar to ever live. Along the way, I’ll be offering my own personal opinions. I could be wrong. I am not omniscient. All I ask is that the reader consider my arguments, keep an open mind, and reach their own conclusions.
Let the inquiries begin!